They both left today.
8:10am.
I watched to the plane leave,and i just bearly held it together.
The last month with them has been like a dream,but i guess you have to wake up sometime.
Im just so tired.
All i want is to fall asleep,and dream the dream again.
But i can't,and they are gone.
All i am left with is this overwhelming feeling of lonleyness.
For i have not lost a friend,a twin,a partner,a lover but two.
Now all i have is myself.
And im not sure if i like my own company.
What am i to do?
I have direction,but it all seems meaningless.
I feel like i need to fill the void.
But with what?
No one else would fit.
And my eyes are sore from crying.
And now i have to sleep alone.

Tal

"DAMIEN RICE - Delicate"

We might kiss when we are alone
When nobody's watching
We might take it home
We might make out when nobody's there
It's not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?

We might live like never before
When there's nothing to give
Well how can we ask for more
We might make love in some sacred place
The look on your face is delicate

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all? 

As i watched yet another episode of Lost,the most unexpected thing happened.
For some reason,the decided to put some song from Damien Rice in there.
And i guess i just broke down.
Its quite funny how that can happen.
One simple song can ruin you in the moment.
Tear apart all the walls you put up to defend yourself.
And leave you a wreak and a shadow of your former self.
And in that moment, i saw what ive been avoiding.
Shes leaving.
Red is leaving.
And I'm not sure if i have it in me to get back on track.
I know i promised myself i would.
Id just stand up and id be fine again.
But it just doesn't seem that simple anymore.
In this last week ive fallen in love with her again twice over.
I tried not to,i really did.
But it wasn't as easy as i thought.
You cant just play with your own heart like i have.
I and in that one song,i knew,there is only pain to come.
I guess I'm not as strong as i thought i was...

Tal

Today i found out my friends are backstabbing, two faced wankers!
I went to hang out with them,and then came home some hours latter to find the phone book laying on my bed and a note from red in her perfectly sculpted hand writing.
And as i read it,i can tell she was in pain.
I ring her,her voice seems uneasy.
And as she tells me what has happened,i feel anger like i haven't experienced in over a year.
A certain fury you only feel one a loved one is in pain,and someone is to blame.
But you never would think that that someone is the group that you call your closest friends.
Such a thing is almost uncomperhendable.
How could these people sit in a room with me for two whole hours and not admit what they have done?
How could they just sit there and act as though they are all innocent,and they have nothing to be ashamed of?
It sickens me to they core that i could even be friend with people like that.

Red simply wanted to see them all because she missed them,her friends that she would not be able to see once she left.
So she called in a favor,and got a ride to see them.
But how was she received?
A hug and a smile?
A hearty welcome?
Even a simple hello?
No,none of these.
She was received with a "I'm annoyed with you" from one,silence from all the others and a slammed door in her face!
None of them even came to see if she was alright.
No of her so called friends even seemed to care.

It seems that once my approval is not needed,you may treat the ones i love in such a disgusting manner.

None of this will go unpunished!
Nothing will go unexplained!
I will have vengeance on these parasites!

A very angry Tal

Well I had to start somewhere, I guess where could be better then here.
My thoughts and feelings need to go somewhere I guess, and where better than somewhere completely obvious and yet no one will even bother to read any of this (well at this stage at least).

Anyway, I’m thinking about going to Australia in a couple of months, and I’d rather not tell anyone, or I’m sure they will make me think otherwise.
Or ill simply change my mind.
And with Red going, why would i stay here anyway.
What’s the point?
The only person id stay here for is Happy, but he’s got his own stuff to sort out, and I can’t just wait until he’s ready to leave the country.
 It all seems so convenient, trapped by dept, by friends, by family and for what?
To simply just rot and wither away.
Why am I always throwing myself in front of anything that would hurt the ones I love?
I’m just a martyr because I like the idea.
Not because that’s who I really am.
Well I guess I just need to sell all my stuff, by myself a good pair of boots and a bag and get going.
But it’s all too easy to say, and not easy enough to do.
And yet, Red’s doing it, so why cant I?
All I need to do is take what I want at all costs.
But will the cost be too high?
And am I thinking too much into this?
It must all be much simpler than I’m making it out to be?
I must just be looking for an excuse to stay.
But I don’t think I have any.
So why am I staying here?
Living to die as such.
Aus seems like a great place to start.
Higher pay, a house to myself or with flat mates, time to unwind and escape.
I know I’ll be working just as much as I am here, but at least ill have new streets to explore, new places to go, be able to walk down the street and know that no one knows who I am.
Such a relief seems almost too good to be true.
I’ve been stuck in this town 20 years, and all I want is out.
I will miss happy though, I hope he will be ok; I’ll have to make an effort to go on Wow for his sake.

Well I’ve got to go, and I’m kinda wishing I could speed up time right now, so I’m going to leave it there

Tal